A couple months ago I read Tim Sander’s Love is the Killer App. It’s not a new book, it’s from 2002, but it’s core message really struck a cord with me. You can do more work, with more people, at a higher level when you have a deep and meaningful relationship with them. The reason it’s important is, you give your friends the benefit of the doubt, you give your friends a chance to correct mistakes.
Too often, in life and at work, when you really need some compassion, some understanding and dare I say it, love – you get exactly the opposite.
Let me ask you managers a question. When a subordinate is going through a crisis in their life, are you there for them? Do you do everything in your power to be a positive force for them? Are you helping to diffuse the fear that accompanies their crisis or are you cracking the whip because they seem suddenly scattered and unable to concentrate like they did before?
Think about the times in your life when you were in crisis. The people who reached out, how do you remember them? How about the people that pushed you to “get over it” and “grow up”, how do you remember them?
When you treat people without compassion, it has wider implications. Other employees who may be closer to the person in crisis, will also form an opinion of both the situation, and how you handle it. Can you afford to have your entire department dislike you?
If you can love your employees, understand that they may be at 80% for a while, when they come out the other end, they’ll love you back. At some point in the future you may need someone to work late and finish something, you’ll have a volunteer. Beyond the work aspects, you’ll have made someone’s life better.
What would happen if the next time you felt like yelling at someone, you took them out to lunch and asked them what you could do to help them. Listen to them, listen as you would if it was a family member.
Ready for the last step? Let them know you appreciate them, then… hug them. Let the power of the hug build your tribe into a force to be reckoned with.
What do you have to lose, is the way you’re doing it now working as well as you would like?
Watch the short clip below, then try to deny the power of the hug.
Well, do you have the guts to put yourself out there?
Ellen Lynch says
Exactly right Phil. When my mom was diagnosed with MS in 1991, my parents had 3 kids under the age of 10. My dad’s work was very understanding, and would allow him to do such things as take a late lunch in order to get his kids at school because his wife was too sick to drive. They knew that my dad would bust his butt when he was at work because he was grateful for his office’s understanding about his situation. It is 19 years later, and he still works for the same company.
I went through a crisis last year when I was at my college reunion, and it amazed me that some close friends didn’t even care that I was going through something horrible. However, I saw some people for the first time in 5 years, and they were absolutely amazing to me. I will never forget that, and I’ve stayed in touch with many of these amazing people. However, I’ve barely talked to the other friends because I can’t understand why they weren’t there for me when I needed them.
Phil Buckley says
Like everything else in life Ellen, it’s all about trying to be a good person.